


Stargate:  SM-1 - The Other Goblins

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Category: Stargate SG-1, Strange Magic (2015)
Genre: F/M, I have so many headcanons for a strange magic/stargate mashup now it's not even funny, Strange Magic Week 2016, The Other Guys parody, stuff and thang to the rescue, whether everyone else likes it or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:45:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While off-world babysitting a pair of scientists, SM-1, the elite team of Starmage Command, is captured.  Now, it's up to Steph and Thane to rescue them, or die trying.<br/>They're probably gonna die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stargate:  SM-1 - The Other Goblins

**Author's Note:**

> For Strange Magic Week day 6: Sci-Fi AU.

As soon as the Changeling shuttle lifted off, Thane Felger popped up from behind the rocks.  ‘We have to go after them!’ he yelled, running for the ring transport they’d been studying before the attack.

Steph Coombs groaned as she got to her feet and followed him.  ‘You can’t be serious!  We have to go back to base and warn General Fairfield!  He can authorize a rescue mission.  A _qualified_ rescue mission,’ she added, as Thane ignored her in favour of uncovering the ring’s power crystals.

‘By then it’ll be too late!  The ship is still in range if we can just get the rings working.  You know SM-1 never leaves anyone behind!  They would come for us.’

‘They were _babysitting_ us, Felger!  They were here to make sure nothing bad happened.  Well, guess what?  Something bad happened!  Colonel Fairfield ordered us to return to base.  Do you think she would be happy if she finds out we disobeyed a direct order?’

Thane grinned at her.  ‘Really?  Because I could have sworn I heard her say “Come after us!”’

‘This is no time to play up your hearing problems!’

Thane had gone back to ignoring her.  He removed two damaged crystals and plugged in their power generator.  The rings gave a satisfied hum and lit up.  He let out a whoop.  ‘They’re still in range!’  He grabbed Steph’s arm and pulled her into the ring with him.  Despite being a head shorter than her and a weedy scientist to boot, he was surprisingly strong.  ‘Come on, Coombs!  I can’t do this alone.’

Before Steph could protest again, the rings activated, transporting them to the Changeling ship.

Maybe the Changelings would kill them before Colonel Fairfield could.  It couldn’t hurt to think positive.

* * *

 

After nearly killing them both by emptying his gun in the transport chamber, Thane and Steph walked through the Changeling ship.  At least, Steph did.  Thane propelled himself forward with complicated rolls and flourishes, bouncing off the walls while Steph stalked after him.

‘Will you cut that out?  You’re not Major Elfin!  Walk down the hall like a normal person, for crying out loud!’

‘Shh!’ he hissed.  ‘Do you want to let everyone know we’re here?’

She rolled her eyes then froze, hearing footsteps coming toward them.  Instead of answering, she grabbed his arm before he could cartwheel down the next corridor.  Just in time too, because a pair of the Gobli’in slaves the Changelings used as their warriors walked past, right where Thane would have landed.  They heaved synchronized relieved sighs.   She realized she was still holding his arm, and hit it before letting go.

‘Ow!’ he whined, rubbing the bruise.  ‘What was that for?’

‘Being an idiot.  This isn’t working.  We need to come up with a better plan, or you’re going to get us caught.  And killed.  Possibly tortured.’

He opened his mouth, but shut it again at her glare.  His eyes traveled around the corridor before brightening.  ‘I have an idea.’

* * *

 

‘This is a horrible idea.’  Steph hit her head on the ceiling and grunted.

‘It’s a great idea!  The Gobli’ins will never find us in here.  We just need to find the cells.  I’ve studied Changeling ship schematics, and they should be around this corner.’

‘You’ve been saying that for the last hour!  We’re never going to find them at this rate!’

‘No, really!  I’m sure this time!’

Steph frowned, not really paying attention.  It almost sounded like there were voices up ahead.

‘What’s with the smile?’  That sounded like Colonel Fairfield.

‘It’s my first time being captured!’  That was definitely Dr. Fairfield.  No Changeling in the universe could match her bubbly personality, or her sheer excitement at being held prisoner.

‘Come on, Coombs!  This way!’

‘Get back here, Felger!  They’re over here—eep!’  Steph jumped at the panel next to her suddenly disappeared, replaced by Colonel Fairfield’s scowling face.

‘Coombs?  What are you _doing_ here?’

Thane pushed Steph out of the way, beaming.  ‘We’re here to rescue you!’

Over Colonel Fairfield’s shoulder, Dr. Fairfield clasped her hands over her heart.  ‘Oh, isn’t that sweet of them?’ she asked Major Elfin.

He looked uncertainly at the colonel.  ‘Yeah, Dawn.  Sweet.’

Colonel Fairfield was still glaring.  ‘You were supposed to go back to base.  I gave you a direct order!’ she hissed.

Steph hit Thane.  ‘I _told_ you!’

Thane looked like a kicked puppy.  ‘But what about never leave anyone behind?  We couldn’t just let them take you!’

‘We’re on a mission, you nit!’  She hauled them out of the vents, dumping them unceremoniously on the floor in the centre of the cell.

A pair of large, claw-like feet entered Steph’s eye line, and she looked up—and up—to meet the irate blue gaze of Bo’ohg k’Ingh.  His prosthetic wings twitched as he watched them scramble to their feet, but he didn’t say anything.  Probably because he didn’t want to attract the guards by yelling.  The rebel Gobli’in’s temper was even worse than Colonel Fairfield’s, and her temper was legendary.

Thane blinked.  ‘You mean you got captured on purpose?’

‘Look,’ said Major Elfin, ‘the local Changeling lord is really a Fae spy, and we’re supposed to make contact with him.  easiest way to do that was to get captured.’

‘We’ve been waiting for the signal for _weeks_ now,’ added Dr. Fairfield.  ‘It was just bad luck that you happened to be with us.  We didn’t have time to send you back through the gate before everything went down.’

‘But that shouldn’t have been an issue, because I _ordered_ you to return to base.  It really wasn’t that difficult,’ the colonel finished with a growl.

Thane swallowed, looking at Steph for backup.  She crossed her arms.  Wilting a little, he turned back to the colonel.  ‘We were just trying to help.’

Bo’ohg snorted.  ‘Aye, an’ yer “help” has endangered us all.  Thanks fer that.’

Dr. Fairfield leaned over and swatted his arm.  ‘Be nice, Boggy!’

‘Bo’ohg.’

Colonel Fairfield was ignoring them all.  ‘We just gotta figure out a way to hide them until the mission is over,’ she muttered.

The sound of footsteps approaching the cell caused everyone to freeze, before Steph and Thane were brusquely shoved behind Bo’ohg.  Major Elfin and the doctor stood in front of him, while the colonel hopped onto the bench under the vent, trying to cover the panel’s absence with her body.

The door opened, and two Gobli’in guards entered.  The taller of the two looked somewhat taken aback by SM-1’s overly causal poses.  He shook himself and turned to the colonel.  ‘Colonel Fairfield, I am Brutiss, and this is F’ang.  We are members of the Gobli’in resistance.  Lord Ogma instructed us to watch over you and ensure your safety for the duration of your mission.’

Colonel Fairfield clapped her hands.  ‘Great!  In that case, when do we get dinner?  And what are our options for the in-flight movie?’

‘We will bring you food shortly.’  He glanced at the rest of the team.  ‘I do not know what you mean by “movie,” but…’  He trailed off, staring at their feet.  Or more accurately, Steph and Thane’s feet.  His gaze slowly tracked upward, locking on Steph and Thane, who were peeking around Bo’ohg’s elbows.  Thane waved.  ‘Who are they?’ Brutiss asked the colonel.

She sighed, leaning against the walls and pinching the bridge of her nose.  ‘They’re our “rescue party,”’ she said, making exaggerated air quotes.

Dr. Fairfield stepped forward, catching Brutiss’ arm.  ‘Can you hide them somewhere safe?  They thought they were helping, and we don’t want them to get hurt during our mission.’

‘ _I_ wouldn’t mind,’ the colonel muttered darkly.  Bo’ohg grunted an agreement.

Brutiss’ blinked, staring at the doctor’s wide eyes.  No one, not even a trained Gobli’in warrior, was a match for Dr. Fairfield’s puppy eyes.  ‘Of course.  We will hide them until such a time as you can collect them.’

‘We’re not luggage!’ Thane protested. 

Steph elbowed him.  ‘That will be just fine.  You won’t even know we’re here.’

Brutiss’ raised a brow ridge.  ‘But I already do.’

* * *

 

‘This is so unfair!’ Thane pouted.  He’d been pouting since Brutiss and F’ang had hidden them in the cargo hold four hours ago.  ‘We should be out there helping them.’

‘We are helping them.  By sitting here, nice, safe, and not dying.  All of which we could have been doing back at base, if you hadn’t gotten delusions of grandeur.’

He opened his mouth, probably to protest his good intentions, but shut it with a click when the cargo bay doors opened.  Brutiss and F’ang entered, hopefully to tell them it was time to head home.  Steph got to her feet, motioning for Thane to do the same.  Before they could move from their hiding place behind the containers, there was a shout.  They watched in horror as Brutiss and F’ang were shot in the back, their bodies falling forward into the cargo bay, followed by two other Gobli’in guards.  They shot their victims again, leaving the bodies sprawled on the floor.  Steph pushed the containers out of the way, staring at the bodies.  Behind her, Thane was hyperventilating.

‘They…they just…how could they…’ he wheezed.

‘This is bad.  This is very, very bad,’ Steph said.

‘They just shot them!  In cold blood!’

‘Something’s gone wrong.’  She turned and grabbed Thane’s arm, pulling him along behind her as she left the cargo hold.  ‘Felger, I think we need to rescue SM-1 after all.’

‘We are so dead!’ he moaned.

* * *

 

Surprisingly, it took less time to infiltrate the Changeling base and locate the control room than it had to find SM-1’s original cell.  From there, they were able to shut down the force field imprisoning the team and disable the weapons and shields surrounding the base.

Unfortunately, by the time the team had fought their way out and it was safe for Steph and Thane to follow, the two scientists found themselves trapped in the control room, a hoard of angry Gobli’ins right outside the doors.

Thane let out a shriek as the Gobli’ins began ramming the doors, trying to break them down.

‘Colonel, if you’re going to get us out, now would be a really good time!’ Steph whimpered into her radio.

‘Working on it!’ the colonel barked.  Steph could hear the sound of blaster fire and the whine of staff weapons.

‘We’re gonna die we’re gonna die we’re gonna diiiiiiiie!’ Thane moaned, rocking back and forth.

The sounds of fighting moved to right outside the door, and the attempts to break it down ceased.  Steph and Thane looked at each other uncertainly.  Everything was quiet for a minute, then someone started beating the door in again.

Thane wailed.

‘I’m not gonna die like this!’ Steph yelled.  She grabbed Thane’s head and kissed him full on the mouth.

She wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline or what, but the kiss was surprisingly pleasant.  They broke apart and stared at each other, just as the door gave way.

Colonel Fairfield and Bo’ohg poked their heads in.  ‘Well, c’mon!’ the colonel said, waving her arm.  ‘We haven’t got all day!’

Steph grabbed Thane’s hand and pulled him to his feet.  ‘We will finish this discussion when we’re no longer running for our lives,’ she told him.

He blinked, then shot her a wide, goofy grin.  ‘In that case, let’s blow this joint!’

Hand in hand, they followed the colonel and Bo’ohg to the gate and home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Can I gush just a bit about how perfect and beautiful a Strange Magic/Stargate mashup would be? It would be epic. I have so many headcanons of how the universe would work, just from writing this fic. Marianne is Jack O'Neill, obviously, Dawn is Daniel Jackson, and Sunny is Samantha Carter. But where it really takes off is when Bog takes Teal'c's place. The Changelings would be similar to the Goa'uld, in that they are body snatchers. The Goblins are the Jaffa, but instead of being dependent of Goa'uld larvae, the Changelings ensure their submission with prosthetics. In Bo'ohg's case, they amputated his organic wings and replaced them with mechanical ones, that either decay or are rendered inert by the right frequency.
> 
> Sweet piobaireachd, Teal'c's weapon of choice is a staff! Sound familiar?
> 
> I just have so many feelings about this, but I'll stop now. Drop by my [tumblr](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/) if you want to hear more gushing.


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